The Gordon Series

It’s been a while, indeed nearly three months, sorry. Explanations another time.

Gordon has been all over the place since the election when I last wrote anything. This was one long rant that I’ve tried to make digestible. My various obsessions shine through, for good or ill.

Go on Gordon (G1)

In the meantime Rawnsley told Gordon what the rest of us knew from the start... the best ever title of a West wing episode was ‘Let Bartlett be Bartlett’.... and so the answer to Gordon’s problem is ‘Let Brown be Beige’. No no no, that came out all wrong, I mean let ‘Gordon be a moron, Gordon is a mor-orr-ron’. No no no, sorry, didn’t mean that either....but what a great song that was.

The humiliation of someone who has wanted something for so long and who, when they get it, is so desperate to do it right, and be loved in the so doing, gets it so wrong, is very sad. But the fact is, from up here amongst the Labour disaffected of Hull, there is extremely precious little difference between Brown and Blair, except that Blair could spin and ingratiate and Brown can’t, which actually, I prefer.

What Rawnsley was saying was, let Gordon be Gordon. Well what he actually said was, (Observer 1/6/08), assume you’ve lost so you’ve nothing to loose so say what you think, stand up for what you believe in and since we love the underdog and someone who is struggling to re establish their self respect, we may just vote for you.

Only trouble with all that is, he is a... no no no.... in two years times the McCobb Lib Dem machine may quote me city wide and who knows what vengeance the Labour Party may exact. Rather; the trouble is, what Gordon believes ain’t good news, not for Hull.

He believes in money; he believes in rich friends, big business; he believes in the power of the market to solve our problems and to deliver the best solutions.

It’s now six weeks since I wrote this; now more than ever it should be obvious that even the market ain’t working and still he hasn’t made the leap.

God and Gordon (G2)

God’s own biggest current prophet on earth (the Guardian can’t be wrong), Jim Wallis of the Sojourners community hob nobs with Gordon. But Jim discovered that Bush’s ‘faith based initiative’ was a bad idea one year in; watch yourself here Jim.

God’s own home grown favourite self aggrandiser, Steve Chalke hob nods with Gordon. 'Faithworks' you know! if its greasy pole climbing you’re into... fancy an academy or two my son.....

I say, let Gordon be a Presbyterian. Let him worship God not mammon. Let him be a bit parsimonious. Let him be serious and not have to proffer a simpering smile. Let him do what he knows is right. God’s own answer to Gordon’s problem wouldn’t be to come out fighting; it would be to humble oneself and pray.

Sick Sport (G3)

If either Blair or Brown ever had any socialist principles they long since forgot them as they plunged into the big money important friends trough surrounding Westminster. This trough is about as appetising to me as the spectacle of ‘professional’ football consuming itself in a frenzy of sick over prima donna-ish consumption and hubris as mega rich squires of regions bigger than Britain exact taxes to burn on mock gladiatorial combat and yank venture capitalists plunge a previously debt free global- brand into £600m of debt with annual interest repayments almost as big as a Ronaldo purchase every year... and the idiot working Chelsea and Manchester classes buy this rip off having been given no critique, nothing else to believe in but ‘winning’.

Meanwhile, Hull has joined the idiocy of the Premiership. Far from being the only city never to have been in the premiership... another bit of specialness bites the dust.... we are the only city ever to have two clubs in the premiership; now that is special. But thankfully now an increasing financially stretched fan base can impoverish themselves further. I think it safe to say that professional sport is now the opiate of the masses.

Gordon’s telephone manor (G4)

When Brown rings people, as we have discovered he’s done for years, what should he say when they moan about petrol prices and 4% inflation and foreign holidays being more expensive.....

Tell them about Africa; tell them about environmental devastation; tell them that European models work better that U.S. ones; convince them that Sure Starts aren’t a judgement on poor people's parenting (or maybe on theirs), but that they are an attempt to smash cosy middle class welfare professionalism that’s been derailed by cosy middle class ‘professional’ managers with no better belief system that a final salary scheme....; tell them that social renting is good; tell them that manufacturing things is good; tell them that war (violence) never achieved peace; tell them that spragging on their neighbours is a bad thing; tell them cameras won’t make them safe; tell them that knowing about the world and yourself and history and shit is a good thing whether it gets you a job or not; tell them that people dying young because they eat crap is a sad thing for people that love them so if healthy free school meals are nannying, then you’ll nanny-on.

Tell them that the Bible doesn’t hang together if you cut out the bits about the oppressed poor; that it teaches that the reason why the oppressed poor people are poor is that rich people are rich (and have the power to oppress in order to remain so).

Cameron is a (clever) prat who doesn’t know it yet and one who may have to grow up in public, or who may have the luxury of doing so in private, depending on which way middle england swings in its stupor of self preservation in 2010. Gordon is not a moron. But the longer he remains paralysed by fear, rather than telling people the truth, the more likely it becomes that that he’ll be replaced by a vacuous copy of Cameron who is a vacuous copy of Blair who was, as far as belief goes, vacuous.